Count your blessings instead of sheep..

We all have things we struggle with. Life is hard and we so easily can get caught up in our own problems. I am most guilty of this and as I sat the other day and digested some people in my life and their situations, the conversations with them it made me see things a bit more clearly. As I sat and heard the story of a woman who at the age of 35 found out she had breast cancer. My friends best friend. This friend of mine afraid of loosing her best friend. The reality of that give me a feeling I can not explain. This women as she told me her story and journey so far had such peace and a calm about her. She was embracing it and in her I found such strength. I thank God today for my health.

As I think about a friend who just lost her son. I pray for her each day and in awe of her courage..

For the friend who's sister just lost her husband. I thank God for my husband. A man who has changed my life and continues to take my breath away in the way he loves me.

So tonight as I find myself unable to sleep, feeling overwhelmed and obsessed with my own current situation I am reminded that like they say in one of my favorite Christmas movies "White Christmas"

-If you are worried and can not sleep just count your blessings instead of sheep. Then you will fall asleep counting your blessings. -

And tonight I am doing just that

Sweet Dreams...

Friendship bread

A couple of weeks ago my friend gave me a starter to make friendship bread. I had never tried this before so I was excited to see how it turned out.

The Amish Friendship bread is neat in a way that you give away baggies of the starter to make and in 10 days you have enough to make 2 loaves and ingredients to share with 3 or 4 of your friends (depending on if you keep one for yourself). Each day you leave the baggie on the counter and most days you just mush the bag. One day out of the 10 you add some flour, milk and sugar. For the most part it is very easy to make and it uses ingredients that you most likely have in your house already. So for the first 10 days I did what it said each day excited to finally bake my bread. Finally day 10 came and I was so impressed with the bread! My brother in law was visiting and it was fathers day weekend so it went very quickly. The bread is more like a cake and it is so good. I gave out all my extra baggies except one and began another 10 day journey.

Since I have a lot of friends that will eat the bread but would rather not bake it I decided to just bake a bunch of the bread from all the starters that I had and give them away or freeze them so today was baking day! I really enjoyed as I put each batch together, thinking of who I may give them to while welcoming the house smelling so amazing. So after a couple of hours of baking I have 6 loaves of this wonderful Amish friendship bread ready to share with those that I love...

Amish Friendship Bread... The gift that keeps on giving...

Knowledge and turning the page...

Through my journey with trying to conceive my head has been filled with such knowledge. Knowledge gives you power and allows you to have a bit more control in your life. I say control but I have realized that I really do not have any control over what happens only over how I react to it and what I choose to do with it. For so long I did not do the best with my given situation but I am learning now that by allowing myself to know more is only helping me to get closer to my dream but that I can not control when it happens. I know what it feels like to feel alone in this journey as many of my friends and friendships changed when pregnancy happened for them and not me. It was no fault of anyone it just is life. In my most recent chapter of this journey I discovered, at the encouragement of a friend, a website that has been so helpful to me. This is a place for knowledge to grow and for you to start relationships with other woman who know exactly what you are going through and a place for you to help share your knowledge with other woman. The website is Baby Center and I know once you click here you will be hooked.. If you are struggling or know someone who is with trying to conceive I encourage you to go there, read and learn and put yourself out there enough to interact and reach out to other woman. It was hard for me because I did not want to be "one of those woman". Like there is something wrong with them which there is not but I just never thought I would be going through this. I used to think it was something to be ashamed of and that I could not share that part of my life. A black mark on my name or something. But know this, there is nothing wrong with you as I needed to realize. If this is your journey own it. Because it is part of who you are and in the end we can never no matter what we do change that and why would we even want to? Being normal is no fun.. Being true to yourself now that's real and really what is normal anyway?

the process of discovery...

As I sit here and reflect on my life. I digest the good and the bad I realize that I say things without even realizing what I am saying. As I find myself in a place in life that is no where that I want to be. I just want it to end I want it to go away, I find myself saying that I just want my life back. Today I realized that is not what I want at all. I do not want that life back, I know the life I want and that is why I need to continue to fight. I know the life I want so today I say, that I do not want my life back I know the life I want and I am going to get it! I sit here and realize how close I am. How many steps have been made and the many blessings I have. All the pieces of the puzzle are coming together just perfectly and this actually brings me such joy! I am so close I can taste it and right now is exactly when the devil wants to make me believe even more that I can not do this and that this may never happen. Could I have it all? Could this person looking back at me in the mirror be just who I was meant to discover? A new and improved Anne ready to take on the next chapter of her life. I say yes and I want for you to believe the same things for you! Thank you God for revealing this to me today. When my mind is so filled with what is not going right I was able to focus on what is going right. So in your time of need, in your storm, whatever it is do this.. Take time to sit, be still.. Let it all digest.. Nothing more you have to do today is that important. Go and sit alone and quiet your mind. I pray you are given the peace that I have been given today. Tomorrow is another day but for today I have peace that I am just that much closer to my dream...

Moving forward not behind and doing it with a smile...

Moving on...

Another month of disappointment. Finding the strength to move on. Thankful for my loving husband and my wonderful friends who are the reason I am starting to see the light. Words can not describe the pain I felt yesterday.

I will be meeting with the doctor about a game plan moving forward. We are taking a month off of injections and IUI to allow for my body to heal from this month.

Holding on to hope and continuing to count my blessings.

Until next time... and in the meantime... remember to smile....