What if plan B is better than plan A?

So for a long time I have been struggling with being at a place where I never imagined I would be. You know your whole life you imagine how things will be and you have it all planned out and then boom. Life hits and you realize things are not happening as you wanted them to and no matter how you try to control the situation it does not seem to change. Sometimes this lasts a short time or maybe it lasts a while. For me letting it go has been a big challenge and I have realized that I have been holding onto it for far too long. I have yelled at God, let him know just how mad I am and nothing. The feeling like God walked away has been so painful. Why God, Why dont you hear me? I would cry out and I was allowing myself to believe the illusion that God is only there when we can see him. You see he is always there. I have asked for answers and I so loudly today heard him speak to me. So gentle and clear. My plan is better. He allowed with this for my mind to go back to the way I had pictured my life as an adult when I was a child. How it would look and he then allowed my mind to entertain the life I live now. And you know what. The picture he has painted is so much better! I never thought my life would look like it does now. Not in a million years. That a man as wonderful as my husband would love me and want me. The girl from the other side of the tracks who was nothing like him. The train wreck as I like to describe myself. The sassy little blonde who lived to go out dancing which was the only place she ever felt free. I look back over our 15 years together and I am amazed at the wonderful life we have created and how we can so often take those things for granted. You see right now I have to trust that Gods plan is better. That he knows what is best. Even on the days when I am saying well yeah God but my plan looks pretty darn good too. I can only imagine how I drive God crazy and how I hurt him with my words and distrust and I am in aww of the fact that he still loves me anyway. That he always knows my heart. I am thankful for his answer today and for allowing some clarity while I remember that clarity is not really what I need, all I need is faith and to trust in him....

Letting go..

There is something wonderful in letting go. A.W. Tozer called it being released from "the fine threads of the self-sufficiency, self-pity, self- absorption and self -hatred. Letting go means "freedom from the everlasting burden of always having to get our own way. "having to stay in control ,to get it our own way, is indeed an everlasting burden. In recognizing the subtle stranglehold of control, in the release of my sticky fingers from the steering wheel, my heart is ready for the real adventure of life- actively trusting God...

Chapter 5 - Control

Book - Strong women soft hearts. A woman's guide to cultivating a wise heart and a passionate life...

The Y in the road

Sometimes you get to a point with a relationship where there is junk and you may not understand each other. You then find yourself at a Y in the road. Push away and travel down a new road or continue to travel the road together knowing that no matter what you want to find each other together at the end of that road. When you make the turn to go down a road separate from them don't be surprised when you look around and they are gone.

What kind of a friend am I?

So today I sit here and think about events that happened recently with a friend. Boy what a storm but one that I am thankful for. I have realized the kind of friend that I am and the kind of friend I want my friends to be. The way it should be and in all of this I realized what "TRUE" really means and that truth can safe a life. I am a friend who loves you through the good and the bad, even if that bad is really ugly. I have realized places I have been in life prepared me for this ugly. Also the grace I have received that I am thankful for is now grace that I am to show on someone that is so hurting that they hurt someone they do care about. That person was me. Someone who did nothing but love ended up taking the brunt of this friends hurt, anger and rage in life. A place that I think we all have been maybe once in our lives where we feel so broken and confused that life just overwhelms us so much we can't breath. As much as I thought this storm was a bad things I am thankful that it was me. I don't know if I am everyday here for a reason but that day I know I was and I have continued to be by loving a very unlovable person through a difficult time. For now the outcome is good and I do not know the future but for today I know I showed someone the REAL me, the fact that I am a true friend. one who will love you even if you make mistakes, even if you get upset and one who is going to be honest with you for the sake of your future whether you like what I have to say or not. I have realized that selfishly we all tend to focus a lot of the friendships that are easy and fun all the time but does that mean the the ones that are a little harder are not worth it? Or that that person does not really need us? I have realized that sometimes someone who really needs us is being ignored because it is not easy or fun enough and that in my day I want to take more time to reach out to those that I feel may really need me. I am reminded that we all have a purpose and a reason for being here and when you really walk that out life is not always going to be easy fun and happy.

So for today I have purpose and I feel good in knowing that I do not know the future but the pages that God writes are good and that I need to continue to remember that the picture God paints is always bigger than we can see...

Then slowly grows ( come to me) Bethany Joy

I'm a frantic un-satisfied woman
When the day grows long
and I can't seem to settle down
Then slowly grows our little faith
I hang my head on
Everyday my dreams will get bigger
Then I hear there's nothing
I can dream hasn't been dreamt before
So I water my little faith
And hope for the better
I know there's so much more for me
I know there's so much more
So much more than I can see

Chorus:
So won't you come to me
I'll be the first one waiting
I'll be the last to leave
Promise you'll come to me
I'll give you anything
I'll give everything you need
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com

And did I mention that
I'm in lack of a loving hand
And the nights go long
And I can't seem to start again
Then slowly grows our little light
Breaks through my shadow
Breaks through my shadow
I know there's so much more
So much more than I can see

Mary J Blige - Take me as I am

She's been down and out
She's been wrote about
She's been talked about, constantly
She's been up and down
She's been pushed around
But they held her down, NYC
She has no regrets
She accepts the past
All these things they
helped make to make she
She's been lost and found
And she's still around
There's a reason for everything

You know I've been holdin on.
Try to make me weak,
But I still stay strong.
Put my life all up in these songs
Jus so you can feel me.
so you can get the real me

[Chorus:]
So take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.
Just take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.

[Verse 2:]
Now she's older now
Yes, she's wiser now
Can't disguise her now
She don't need
No one tellin her
What to do and say
No one tellin her
Who to be
She's on solid ground
She's been lost and found
Now, she answers to G-O-D
And she's confident
This is not the end
Ask me how I know
Cause she is me.

You know I've been holdin on.
Try to make me weak,
But I still stay strong.
Put my life all up in these songs
Jus so you can feel me.
so you can get the real me

Pink - Nobody Knows

Nobody knows, nobody knows but me
That I sometimes cry, if I could pretend that I'm asleep
When my tears start to fall
I peek out from behind these walls
I think nobody knows, nobody knows, no

Nobody likes, nobody likes to lose their inner voice
The one I used to hear before my life made a choice
But I think nobody knows, no no
Nobody knows, no

Baby, oh the secret's safe with me
There's nowhere else in the world that I could ever be
And baby don't it feel like I'm all alone
Who's gonna be there after the last angel has flown?

And I've lost my way back home
I think nobody knows, no
I said nobody knows
Nobody cares

It's win or lose, not how you play the game
And the road to darkness has a way
Of always knowing my name
But I think nobody knows, no no
Nobody knows, no no no no

Baby, oh the secret's safe with me
There's nowhere else in the world that I could ever be
And baby don't it feel like I'm all alone
Who's gonna be there after the last angel has flown?

And I've lost my way back home
And oh, no no no no
Nobody knows
No no no no no no

Tomorrow I'll be there my friend
I'll wake up and start all over again
When everybody else is gone
No no no

Nobody knows
Nobody knows the rhythm of my heart
The way I do when I'm lying in the dark
And the world is asleep

I think nobody knows
Nobody knows
Nobody knows but me
Me