When we plant a garden, we begin with a clear idea of what we will plan, how many and how deep the rows, and how we will care for what we have planted. Yet we cannot know whether there will be drought or flood, heat or cold, which seeds will do well, what bugs or diseases will emerge this season, or how the harvest will be. We can work hard to anticipate these things, but some of our efforts will be fruitful and some will not. This is the nature of all life, moved by silent forces larger than we can ever comprehend.
Chapter- Beginner's Mind/ from the book Sabbath by Wayne Muller
As I think about this I realize how easy it is to read and understand this but acting it out and going through the motions of life for me are very hard. As I struggle with a particular thing in my life I am left wondering why can I not be still? Why can I not just let it go? I think if I am honest being still makes me feel helpless. Being helpless is a hard place for me. Being out of control is also a very hard place for me to go and I think for me the stillness makes me feel out of control. I am a problem solver. I have to have an answer. And to some things there is not an answer or a fix to it, it just is. Today I sit here and realize that I don't know what will make this better but that at least the fact that I am aware and can be honest about how I am feeling gives me a sense of understanding of myself and others who I walk through in their ups and downs. That people are not always looking for me to fix them or have an answer but to just be there for them. For me this may allow me to chill out a bit and take the pressure and stress off myself. I realize that the things I am doing to "fix" my current problem may not do anything at all. That what I am doing is just feeding my appetite for control and the need to fix a problem I am not meant to fix. I am to be still and KNOW that God has everything under control and can and will fix all our problems all in perfect timing and while I wait I remember who I am and never allow the problems of life and the pains and suffering that I go through to change that...
