Update

So the last time I posted about the baby journey was about our cycle in May that was cut short and did not work. Here we are in Aug and thus far we have not started any other cycles. One for money reasons. We just don't have the extra money and honestly that cycle was so emotionally exhausting that I just needed a break. So the roller coaster ride continues and I each day continue to ask why? I grow so tired of trying to come up with reasons WHY this is happening to us and the bottom line is because life is not fair. We don't always get what we want and it just is what it is. You can sit down and make a list of the whys and the ones that make it all make sense of why the bad happens and at the end of the day it just is.. Over the past 5 years I would say to myself that if I would have done this or if I do that or don't do this it will happen, like it was my fault and needed to be good enough to earn it. That is wrong. I am good enough and yet it still does not happen. I used to be angry at God but I am less angry each day and more asking him to comfort me. We are right now, more so me, embracing moving on with life the way it is. Focusing more on God and being happy for what we have then on what we do not without loosing hope that it will happen. I do not know when we will do another cycle. I realize that there was a piece of me stolen through all of this.. I sometimes see her looking back at me.. I pray more now that I will be more of that person again or the person that this is suppose to shape me into being. And as I get frustrated that God is not allowing me to just move on I am thankful though that I am not completely able to move on because I feel this may be Gods way of giving me hope to hold on.. I am thankful that I do have my husband and what this has done for us and our marriage. I do realize that I could die tomorrow and that if tomorrow is my day to go I want to know that no matter what happened I lived my life well. I played my hand of cards given the best I could and I maybe made a few people laugh and smile along the way.. That I DO have control over.. The rest is yet to be seen....

Continuing to pray for our miracle... Thank you for praying with us...