Restoring what was lost...

I am sitting here today coffee next to me, eyes filled with tears. Tears of sadness for many losses.. lost memories that have been stolen while my storm has raged on.. this has been one of the longest storms of my life.. 5 years.. but really I feel like I have always been in a storm.. I am feeling the storm ending and I have learned from this that no matter what happens in your life, no matter the pain try to remember that you can never get today back. As I blink my eyes I realize that I have missed so much being so consumed in my own mind, the pain was just so severe and my faith was so weak.. I feel that God loves me anyway which I do not even deserve. I push him away because I feel so unworthy, so ashamed..Why do I feel you smiling God? You should be angry.. Why have you restored friendships? They should not love me.. Why have you blessed me with such an amazing husband? I can never be all he deserves me to be.. but he loves me and each day I wonder why... You see when you look in the mirror and you can not find any reasons why to love yourself that day ask God to show you what he see's.. Do less talking to people and more talking to God.. Have fun with your friends but also pray for them.. I am seeing amazing things happen in my life as well as my friends lives... So today I can not quote every scripture, I may not know the right thing to do at all times, but I can tell you the love of God is great because I feel it and all I needed to do was open my heart to accept it.. So devil you can have the memories you have stolen but no more will be given and all will be restored from the one who loves me....