Given up- Linkin Park

Wake in a sweat again
Another day's been laid to waste
In my disgrace

Stuck in my head again
Feels like I'll never leave this place
There's no escape

I'm my own worst enemy


I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say

Take this all away
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the heck is wrong
With me


I don't know what to take
Thought I was focused but I'm scared
I'm not prepared

I hyperventilate
Looking for help somehow somewhere
And no one cares

I'm my own worst enemy


I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say

Take this all away
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the heck is wrong
With me



Goddddddd!!!!

Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my
Put me out of my fricken misery



I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say

Take this all away
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the heck is wrong
With me

I read an article today that spoke very loudly to me. It talked about how people can wear masks and pretend for the sake of looking good. I have always seen this in people and wondered why they would do this? Does this help anyone? As much as I hated seeing it done I took a long hard look at myself and realized I was doing the same thing. It allowed me to put up walls with people without even knowing it. Making everyone think that I am so pulled together when on the inside I was a mess. We do this for many reasons. For me it was that I always felt I had to be perfect in order to be loved. Growing up wanting so badly to be good enough caused me to get obsessive with being perfect on the inside and on the outside. As long as I looked good no one would know. But in life as I really take in the past couple years of my life I am realizing that we need to see people in need but are we ready for that? When people show us the real person we sometimes tend to walk away because we do not know what to do with it. We love. It is that simple. We see their heart. Now this is not always that easy because peoples hearts are not always good and true. That is why we have to believe people when they show us who they are. Know the people that hearts are true and focus on them and stop playing the game of hiding with those who can really love you no matter what. Life is so complex and we will never have it all figured out but knowing that we have good people in our lives to help us through is what we need to hold onto.

This was in the article and I thought it really spoke to how I am feeling....

So here is my reality. I am abnormal. I don't have it together. I am prone to go into hiddenness and shame. But I have Jesus. I have some really good friends who love me in spite of all of the junk that is true about me. And I have never been more alive and free as I live out my journey in grace.

To read this article click here

Until next time...

Jack Johnson

Last weekend Dustin and I went to see Jack Johnson in concert in Columbia MD. We had such a good time. The music was great and we enjoyed a relaxing ride to and from with the top down and wind in our hair. Nothing better than that...

Earn your keep

Dustin and I always joke around about how our animals do not do anything and how nice that must be. How they just make messes and lay around and they are always taken care of - so we joke around and will tell them to go do the laundry ( usually I say this when Dustin is wondering where his underwear is- I will tell him I told Maya to do it) . We will say how nice it would be if they could make money or do stuff around the house to earn their keep. Well with it being hot weather now and having 2 huskies who shed ALOT we have so much fur to keep up with. When I brush them it is amazing how much fur I have to get rid of. The other day while cleaning up all this fur I thought to myself how I wish I could find a use for this stuff since I have so much of it. It seems like if I could find something to do with it it would make it seem like not such a pain to have to clean up and deal with. I always joke too that if only we could trade in dog poop for cash how nice that would be since I always seem to have enough of the poop and some months not so much in the cash department. Is this crazy thinking? Anyway- So to go back to the fur. The other day my sister was over visiting and she noticed how a bird kept sweeping down to where fur had collected right outside our screened in porch and filling his beak with it. He was gathering supplies for his nest! I have to say, this bird is pretty darn smart. Husky fur is so soft and long and fluffy and it would work perfect to make a comfortable bed for their babies to lay in. I thought it was so amazing how this bird knew to do this and found this fur just laying there. So resourceful. I was also happy because it was less fur I had to pick out of my stones. So the husky fur problem is welcomed since it has a purpose- a purpose of allowing the birds the opportunity to be blessed with a fluffy bed of husky hair. So Breck and Aspen- you have earned your keep and I will make sure to leave some fur in my yard for the birds to enjoy. Another one of the "little things" we could miss but thanks to my nature loving sister who has the eyes to see such beauty I saw this beautiful thing that day. Such a blessing in so many ways...

My Husband

I do not know that I can put into words how I feel about my husband. He is the most amazing man. The way he loves me is incredible. He knows me better than I know myself which at times scares the heck out of me. He is my soul mate. He is not a man of many words and with words of affirmation being my love language I at times struggle with this. Although he does not say much in words what he does in his actions makes up for it. After 14 years together I often wonder how does he really feel about me? He never really says and being mushy is not his thing. So after me constantly asking him for that love story on tv kind of moment he played me his ring tone that he added for when I call him. These are the words and can I tell you- it takes my breath away. To think this is the way he feels about me is overwhelming. I do not deserve it and from him this is such an honor. I am honored each day to say I am his wife and to be blessed with sharing my life with him. Here are the lyrics that I thank God for allowing me to hear and for allowing me to be loved the way he would love even though I do not deserve it. God continue to allow me to be the wife this man deserves and one that he can be proud of. If I am not successful in anything else in life besides serving you and being a good wife that is ok with me...
Angel - By Jack Johnson...

I've got an angel
She doesn't wear any wings
She wears a heart that can melt my own
She wears a smile that can make me wanna sing
She gives me presents
With her presence alone
She gives me everything I could wish for
She gives me kisses on the lips just for coming home

She could make angels
I've seen it with my own eyes
You gotta be careful when you've got good love
Cause the angels will just keep on multiplying

But you're so busy changing the world
Just one smile can change all of mine
We share the same soul
Oh oh oh oh oh ohhh
We Share the same soul
Oh oh oh oh oh ohhh
We Share the same soul
Oh oh oh oh oh ohhh
Oh oh oh oh oh ohhh
Umm umm umm uhhhhhhmm

What path are we really on...

Second chance

Love this pastor. His name is Pete Wilson. The Church is Crosspoint Church which is in Nashville so I will be joining them via internet for there second chance series. Below is the trailer for the Second Chance series.

Pete also is the author of a new book that I plan to read soon called Plan B.

A kind heart

The other day while entering Oregon Dairy ( a local grocery store) I had the option of picking a big cart or one of those little carts (which I love!). So I run through in my head what I needed and with it not being a big order I picked the little cart. I don't know what it is about these little carts that I like so much. It just makes my shopping experience better for some reason until I get to the check out counter and realize that I stuffed a big order into that little cart and now I am going to have to pray it all fits in once the items are bagged. I wonder if anyone else does this? Is this just me? The embarrassment does not seem to be enough to stop me from running into this problem quite often. So this particular day I am loading my items onto the belt and trying not to make eye contact with the man bagging as I run in my mind how I am going to bring it up that I realize that this bagging and loading of my cart will be a pain in the butt. So I keep loading the belt with my items, looked over at the older gentleman bagging my groceries and noticed that he had already grabbed a bigger cart for me and was placing my bagged items in it. My relief lasted for a moment when then my mind is fixed on what I am to do with the little cart and what do I say? Is he thinking I am stupid for having such a little cart and why do I care what this man I have never met thinks? Needless to say I am driving myself crazy in my mind but the smile on my face would hopefully mask that to those around me. So the dreaded moment comes as I complete my signature on the receipt and start to move forward towards the bagger. I look at him and he says to me, well I will take this from you, as he puts his hand on my little cart, and you are all set. With a big warm smile of no judgement he says and have a great day ma'am. Ahhhh What a nice man. I so appreciated this man this day. A day when the world had not been so good to me and I was feeling like crawling in a hole. Feeling like I could do nothing right. And then God placed this man there that day to make me feel better. As I walked out of that store that day I felt warm, I felt accepted and I felt God's presence so strong within me. I have to say that I like shopping at the Oregon Dairy because I always get a good experience with the people working there. They are always kinder and they really enjoy helping me with my groceries and I truly think they want to make my shopping experience better. Thank you to this man who did not have to get me a bigger cart and did not have to show me his big heart but chose to that day. Rather than have the attitude of thinking, oh here we go, another idiot with too many items in there small cart- embraced me as a person and showed me kindness for doing a silly thing that I am sure I will do again. God make me more like this man so that I can shine light on others who cross my path as this kind man did for me. That man is not just a bagger- that day he was an angel...

Enjoy the silence...

As I sit here listening to the rain fall and sip on my coffee I am filled with such peace. I think of jesus and the times when he would just go sit in a place of silence. Yesterday was a great day and a reminder to get away from time to time and just go to a place where you can just turn life off, relax and just think. Just be silent. Dustin and I decided to spend the day at the beach yesterday. We rose early in the morning and hit the road with the top down headed to Ocean City Maryland. We had such a fun and relaxing day filled with a Starbucks coffee stop, delicious breakfast outside at the Bayside Skillet, serenity of just me, Dustin and the sound of the crashing waves on the beach, boardwalk fries, Candy Kitchen fudge and dinner by the bay. I have a feeling that yesterday will stay with us for years to come as a day for such peace in each other and with where God has us today and has had us in our journey. Things you could very easily take for granted were embraced to a new level and our souls were filled up. So today every time I look in the mirror and see my red sunburned nose I will laugh as I remember our fun in the sun day at the beach. I look forward to the next fun trip and thank God for all the beautiful things in life that I often don't take the time to really see...

Waiting

I believe in Holy Ghost timing. In God’s own time, all our prayers will be answered—one way or another—but the trouble is, we are afraid to submit our prayers to Holy Ghost scrutiny. Some of our prayers need to be purged because often our faith is misspent on requests that are not mature. We do not know how to pray, “Thy will be done.” We don’t want his will as much as those things permitted by his will.

Abraham exercised his faith to keep reminding himself he was a stranger on this earth. His blessing pact produced only a tent to dwell in, because he put all his faith in that city whose builder and maker is God.

Were some of these faith warriors not living in faith? Did God refuse to answer some of their prayers? After all, not all of them were delivered and not all lived to see answers to their payers. Not all were spared pain, suffering and even death. Some were tortured; others were torn asunder, wandering about destitute, afflicted, and tormented (Hebrews 11:36-38).

Some who had a reputation for having great faith “received not the promise” (Hebrews 11:39). Those who did “obtain promises” used their faith to work righteousness, to gain strength in times of weakness, and to put the enemy to flight.

Don’t worry about whether God is saying “Yes” or “No” to your request. Don’t be downcast when the answer is not in sight and, please, quit concentrating on faith formulas and methods. Just commit every prayer to Jesus and go about your business with confidence. He will not be one moment early or late in answering, and if the answer you seek is not forthcoming, say to your heart, “He is all I need. If I need more, he will not withhold it. He will answer in his time and in his way. And if he does not fulfill my request, he must have a perfect reason for not doing so. No matter what happens, I will always have faith in his faithfulness.”

God forgive us if we are more concerned about getting prayers answered than in learning total submission to Christ himself. We do not learn obedience by the things we obtain but by the things we suffer. Are you willing to learn by suffering a little longer with what appears to be an unanswered prayer? Will you rest in his love while patiently waiting for the promise? -David Wilkerson

Strong woman, soft hearts

I am excited to start reading the next book for our book club! Get to know Paula Rinehart, the author of this book and some background into what made her write this book. Enjoy!

Keep Your List Short,

These words really spoke volumes to me. Are we really acting out what we say? If we do not believe in something then why so often do we continue to be a part of things that we know are not right? Walking in TRUE faith is hard. Here are some words that may help you as they have helped me.

Keep Your List Short,

You know what I do , but do you know who I am?

Real Estate is what I do- it is not who I am. Who I am is a person who loves God- Loves his people and wants to do what he needs me to do each day to bless those around me. Real Estate is the career I have chosen- One that I am passionate about because it is a tool that allows me to bless people who need someone to care about them during a big event in their life. Whether you are moving today, tomorrow or you just need someone to talk to- that is what matters to me. Yes- I am a realtor- a good one- but beyond all of that I am just a person like you dealing with the same struggles each day. I am not a superhero, I am just me. I am an asset to you not just because I have all the right tools and knowledge (because I do) but because I am me, a person who does what I say I will do. A person who does right by people and a person who knows WHY I do what I do each day. I have a purpose and a vision. I sell houses yes- but more important I serve people. So thats my story- I look forward to meeting you, hearing your story and helping you in your Real Estate journey or just getting to know you and sharing in the joys or the sorrows of life.

The bottom line...

I will continue to make the choice not to stay where God is not invited. To demonstrate my faith and let the truth be known. Whether or not that truth is accepted or if it is rejected. I continue to make the choice to not submit to the power of rejection but to conquer it. Making this choice may cost me popularity, it may cost me money and most times it will bring to me rejection and pain. I have learned that true worship will cost me something and it is risky. This is a risk and a cost that I am willing to take to continue to plant the seeds of truth and to continue to trust God to produce the fruit....

In God We Trust

As many of you are aware the TV and Radio has been filled with the voices of politician's and Americans as the new health care bill is being discussed. I am not big into politics and have many thoughts on this subject- this post is not the place for them. The other night Dustin had the debate on. As I watched each person come to the podium and reveal what they thought about the health care bill my eye was fixed on what was written on the wood above them in the courtroom. It said - IN GOD WE TRUST. Do they? Do these people trust in God to provide for them? I felt confused and bothered by what I saw. I prayed about it. Dustin has become very involved in the politics of all of this and I see such a fire in him for the first time. This is something we do not share ( up until now). I have wondered - am I wrong for not caring? For not wanting to get involved? Does my opinion really count? I also say though that keeping quiet and not standing up for what you believe is wrong so why do I do it with this? I have been praying about this and I feel like God has put in my heart that I do need to be more educated, more involved and stand up for what I believe but know that no matter what happens he is always good. No matter the outcome. I am not going to go on and on about my thoughts but I am not for this health care bill. Dustin and I have many reasons why and some would disagree. In life we have to really believe in what we are fighting for. We also have to know that no matter what happens good or bad, wrong or right - that will not stop our faith in God and knowing the truth that he brings to our lives. I will get involved and exercise my freedom to speech but I will always choose to exercise my right to Freedom from fear, anxiety,and loss of hope for Gods people. Things in this world are a mess- they are ugly- and I feel like more people need to live by the words - IN GOD WE TRUST just a little bit more. Read below ....

___________________________

No matter how unsettled the world becomes, God's people can relax and keep their joy flowing, because our Lord has promised special protection when it is most needed.

Didn't God have an emergency plan for the children of Israel during the worldwide famine? He sent Joseph ahead to Egypt, promoted him to prime minister and filled the warehouses with enough grain to last out the famine. He then transported his people within walking distance of those storehouses and fed them to the full all through the raging famine.

Didn't God have emergency plans for Elijah? While his nation reeled under the impact of an economic collapse and food was scare because of severe famine—and a wicked king had a ransom on his head—God put his emergency plan for Elijah into effect. He hid him by a quiet brook and fed him by having a bird deliver his food. The survival plan also included a mysterious barrel of grain that never ran out.

What about Noah? What a detailed survival plan God had for him and his family! An ark—floating him and his family safely above all the death and destruction of a worldwide flood.

And Lot? God actually sent angels to personally pull him and his children out of the doomed city of Sodom. God's hands were tied until Lot was safely out of the suburbs. It was more than a loss of his job, more than a collapse of the economy, more than a downfall of the government—it was total annihilation of his society. But Lot was delivered safely.

Paul proved God's emergency contingencies over and over! This apostle was shipwrecked, chased by thieves, imprisoned, accused of treason and plotted against by assassins yet, in every crisis, God had a contingency plan for deliverance. Only when God determined his race was over did he call in his last contingency plan. He called him to his resurrection.

We, too, have an emergency plan for survival—designed specifically for each believer.

Let there be no question about it—God will see us through every crisis!

David Wilkerson.

ACT NOW!

Below is something that David Wilkerson wrote which really hit home for me. Faith is an action and we need to act on our faith and living out our freedom. It does not just happen. Someone once told me that being a christian is the easy way out - a crutch. Well, that could not be farther from the truth. Being a christian is hard- it takes work each day to die of your flesh and live and walk out your life the way that the bible show us to. As this world becomes more and more ran by the devil- feeding our heads with lies we have to work even harder to stay focused on the truth. We are all free but we all need to act that way in order to live the life the is meant for us. I find it troubling how you can see people who from the outside look so pulled together, they live in their big fancy house, run a "successful business" , go to church every Sunday, put the christian bumper sticker ( so to speak) on everyday but yet I see how each day they add chains of bondage to them by their fear of ACTING out their faith. They can speak of god and his word but they can not DO his word. I hear from this very person how it is everyone else that is holding them captive but in actuality it is only them who adds the chains to their lives. They do not see the accountability part in being a christian and see it as everyone else's problem when they are called out on choices they are making. Jesus would say reach out to them but I would say remember that they have choices just like everyone else- free will to either listen to you or to continue to be held captive. We are all held captive and each day need to work towards breaking those chains. We are all the same- all going through life fighting the same battle. We may all look different but we are not so different after all. The only main difference that I see is that there are those who take responsibility for their actions and realize it is them who can make the difference and then there are those who look at everyone else for the reason they are held captive. You are either a survivor or a victim. I am starting to realize that not many victim thinking people can change. Be careful how long you invest in them because before you know it they are adding chains to you and dragging you along with them . Do not allow yourself to fall into the trap of being the one to assume the role they want for you to play. The role that only takes the accountablity off of them. By doing this you are only adding to the problem. The problem of what this shows to other's who are watching. The reason that so many people are not walking with us is from these very people and people like you and me that assume it for them to make them and ourselves feel better. Face it- it is easier to not say anything and just ignore. Well that is a lie. Who said we are to always do the easy thing? Act now and be free yourself and do your part in bringing others to freedom. Saving lives may not make you most popular in this life but it will in another....

________________________

Abraham Lincoln is said to have "freed the slaves" with the Emancipation Proclamation. This legal document declared that slavery was dead and all the slaves were set free.

When this news first spread through southern plantations, many of the slaves would not believe it. They continued slaving for their masters, convinced their promise of freedom was a hoax. Numbers of unscrupulous landowners told their slaves it was just a rumor and kept them under bondage. But little by little, the truth dawned on them as they saw former slaves walking about, happy in their newfound freedom. One by one, they threw down their loads, turned their backs on slavery, and walked away to begin a new life.

Maybe you haven't heard yet, or maybe it sounds too good to be true, but Christ emancipated all the slaves to sin at Calvary. You can now "walk out" on the devil! You can throw down your load of sin, walk away from Satan's dominion, and enter into a new life of freedom.

Let me show you what the Bible means when it talks about dying to sin. When Lincoln emancipated the slaves, the "issue" of slavery died. Not the slave master—not the slave. The slave could walk away free, saying to himself, “Slavery is a dead issue.”

Now the slave could slip back into the field and pick a few more rows of cotton—perhaps through fear or instinct—but that in no way made him a slave again. He was free, but he had to exercise his freedom. The proclamation couldn't force compliance, and neither could the slave master force him to return. It was a matter of the will of the slave.

The Bible says, "...he that is dead is freed from sin. Now if we be dead with Christ, we believe we shall also live with him" (Romans 6:7-8).

What that means is simply this: Since the matter of your slavery to sin is a dead issue, seeing that Christ has already declared you emancipated, you are now free to live as a new person in Christ by thinking of yourself as unchained.

Christ can't make you do right, and Satan can't make you do wrong. Christ declares you are free by faith, but you must act as a free person.

Weichert INSITES - News you can use...

Valuable information for buyers and sellers. If you are selling your house, insight as to what buyers are looking for in a home is priceless. According to the results of the Next Home Survey recently presented by Eliot Nusbaum, executive editor at Better Homes and Gardens magazine, consumers are taking a "cents and sensibilities" approach when buying a home. For those buyers planning to purchase a new home in the coming months, price, energy-efficiency, organization and comfort are their top priorities. This is in sharp contrast to several years ago, when the focus was on large homes with expensive touches. The Next Home Survey also found that: 87 percent of respondents would like a greener, more energy efficient home. 68 percent wanted an outdoor grilling and living area. 59 percent wanted a home office. 36 percent said their next home would be somewhat smaller or much smaller.

Plan B

I follow the blog Jesus Needs New PR by Matthew Paul Turner. He is a great writer. He wrote recently about his pastor who has a book coming out. I watched the trailer and found tears streaming down my face. I look forward to reading it and thought I would share it with you. Pete Wilson, is the pastor of Crosspoint church. Although I do not live in Nashville where his church is I do listen to his teachings. He delivers such a strong message and goes a bit deeper which is where I love to go.

So what happens when your plan A does not work out? I have been so fearful for so long to even think of a plan b in my life. So angry, confused, sad and left wondering why if God loves me so much would he withhold my plan A from me? Life is tough,painful and sometimes so overwhelming you just can't breath. I pray that if you are fearful of plan B that you will be given the peace to move out of your comfort zone and explore what else God has in store for you. Here's to taking that first step together..

Sweetheart night

Last night Dustin and I went to a friends church to enjoy Sweetheart night. It was a fun filled night of fellowship with friends, delicious desserts and music by Matt and Kim Goss. Dustin and I left with this beautiful flower since we were the couple at our table married the closest to 25 years. I hope all of you had a wonderful Valentines day and will remember to love the ones we love not just on valentines day but every day of the year..

To do List continued..

The last couple of days have been relaxing and productive. I embraced the blizzard of 2010 and embraced balance between productivity and relaxation. I feel pretty good about the list of things I completed and thought I would share them with you..

1. All wash is done AND put away

2. Cleaned our bedroom and bath

3. Spare bedroom cleaned and organized and closet project list is complete so I can tackle that at a later date.

4. Upstairs bathroom sparkling clean

5. Entire downstairs is cleaned and organized

6. Completed my book club book and caught up on all discussions

7. Ample time to read teachings and online research

8. Organized my workspace/desk downstairs

9. Talked with friends and family and had good for the soul conversations

I think that is it for right now. Needless to say I was busy but also took time to relax and enjoy the silence of life. I am excited for my hubby to come home from his trip and enjoy the scene I have set for him when he arrives home to a clean house, project lists and a freshly made/washed bed for him to crawl into after sleeping away from home for 5 days. I did not get to everything on my to do list from earlier in my blog but I added a few others and feel pretty good about what I have accomplished.

PS- Add to this list of course shoveling- lots and lots of shoveling!!

TGIF!