Revealing a painful layer...

So today I reveal a painful layer to those of you I call my readers.. Some of you I do not even know but I am feeling lead to open up a bit and share in something that I have for a long time kept hidden away. So hear it goes.. 4 years ago my life changed for good. This was the day my husband and I decided to start our journey of becoming parents. For most this comes very easy as I thought it would for us but here we are 4 years later wondering how we got so blindsided. I have been through all sorts of emotions through this time. Most of which were very low moments for me. I never in a million years thought that this would be so hard. For those of you who have never gone through this I pray you never do and for those of you who are I pray it ends soon with a happy ending. I wish I would have been writing about this all along but honesty it has been so raw for me that maybe it is better this way. This has shaken my faith BIG time. There was a long period of time that I completely walked away from God. I have returned but it has not been easy. It is a work in progress. I am slowing being able to see the blessings that he has brought to my life and how this journey has made me a different person. I think it is safe to say that I have experienced, like many of you have maybe, a time in my life where I kept waiting for things to go back to normal. To start feeling the same again and with some things that happen to us in life the reality is we will never be the same. And for me this is one of those times in my life. It can be filled with light or dark and after going for a long time in the dark I am ready to embrace the light. For my husband, and all those that love me. So here I am today starting a new chapter with change. Todays change is opening up. Doing something different so to hopefully produce a different result. So today starts day one of my journey. Like my husband and close friends have told me, I have to not look back and just look forward. But I will look back a bit to let you in on where we have been - after trying and nothing happening we finally decided to try Clomid, a drug to help my overies work harder to help us along. I did 3 months of this and got nothing but very sick and had very bad side effects. I was also not being monitored like I should have been so after being encouraged by a friend I changed doctors. We decided to go to Hershey Med to a Reproductive Endocrinologist for help. So glad I did. Love my doctor. We have had a bunch to test done to determine that neither one of us have anything wrong which would be preventing us from getting pregnant. Very happy to hear this but also discouraged since there is nothing to fix and for me hard to wrap my mind around. Then why is it not happening? So from here we are left with either banging our heads against the wall and being mad or just moving on. So we chose moving on. Our options have been laid out and we chose to do injections plus IUI. It is the next step in doing something different hoping for a positive result. So today is day 2 of my cycle so this is the first day I will start my injections. I am very nervous but also excited to be moving on. I have been blessed with such support with my friends and family. Dustin has been wonderful and through it I have to remember that he is dealing with this pain in his own way. Being patient and understanding of each other each day is really key to getting through this. Men are not like women and I know it is hard for him to see me in pain. So here I am today excited to embrace this journey, allowing God to walk along side us and no longer feeling ashamed of where we are. I have finally found the strong fighter that once left. She is back and ready to take on this fight!